courage

courage-mug

Today, I have a whole lot of family concern on my mind; it’s much harder to sit down and allow myself to concentrate on writing. Worry worms its way back into my thoughts. It takes courage to allow long term concerns to drop into the background and focus here. What I have learned is I can pick up and shoulder my problems any time I choose. But if I don’t give myself the opportunity to write, a different anxiety builds, and thriving suffers.

When I’m worried, my mind feels empty of material. I doubt the easy flow of words on the screen will ever return–even though I’ve been through similar experiences myriad times.

So I’m late coming to my computer today; it’s almost 11 pm instead of the usual 10 pm starting time. But I got here! That’s what counts. I plunked my butt in the chair, and faced the keyboard and the shocking, empty page.

I keep a running checklist of possible prompts for blog posts. (And another of possible scenes for my novel.)  I’ll allow myself to choose any one of them, but “courage” was next in the list, and clearly, I need to rediscover it.

Once I started typing–do we have to call it keyboarding now?–my body calmed. Eventually, focus narrowed to the subject at hand. Now, a half hour later, I have 265 words on the page. It’s true, I am not a fast writer–but that doesn’t matter, because I’m steady. I show up. I managed the first draft of a novel in fourteen months. In my lexicon, that’s courage.

© Skye Blaine, 2015
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